F is for Fat

Knotted shoulder cover-up by Gap

Hello Angela,

I have a post in mind on cute cover-ups for the pool/beach but you will have to wait for it. For now, I want to discuss how I am feeling today. And that feeling is... fat.

Can "fat" be a feeling? Oh, yes, of course it can! It happens when the weather reaches 80 degrees, humidity is high, the A/C hasn't switched over in your building and suddenly you find yourself sweating. Like a pig. Like Britney in her "Slave 4 U" music video. You just feel fat. At least, this is what I was feeling as sweat dripped off me in a very non-sexy, non-elegant, gross kinda way.

Today I met up with my plus-size friend, Chloe, for lunch. Unlike myself, she appeared cool and confident. I looked closer. Well, unlike myself Chloe was dressed in a stylish tank top. She doesn't have perfectly toned and trim arms but she doesn't care or maybe she does care but she doesn't let that stop her. Meanwhile, I rarely feel comfortable wearing tank tops in public. I would feel confident- if I had the upper arms of a slender goddess. Well, Chloe does not but she doesn't let that stop her either.

Chloe also keeps her hair in a short, pixie cut (similar to here). Obviously, such a haircut is ideal for staying cool. Compare this to my hair which often feels like a wild lion's mane, only 20 times thicker. But would I ever chop off my long locks to be cool and fab like Chloe? Of course not! For me, I often feel like my hair is my security blanket, my shield. I also have this horrible belief that in order to have short hair you need to also be an incredibly thin person to pull it off. And, you know what, I often find incredibly slim women are the ones going short and staying with it. Hey, I am just saying...

As our lunch date winded down I began to seriously reconsider my body image hang ups. For one, should I be sweaty and uncomfortable all Summer because I make up rules like "no tank tops" and "you have to be skinny to have short hair"? And why can't I do things with more freedom when Chloe (who is not some size 4) can do as she pleases- and get away with it?

I know there might come a day when I am skinnier, healthier, stronger and all the things I so desire. However, in the meantime I should find ways to be happy and less sweaty too.

Waiting for the A/C to Turn On,
Rachel