The Obsessive Overboard Worry

Dear Rachel,

I really hope that by now you are feeling better, especially since I have been a slacker on responding to your blog post.

It turns out Dr. Derek is a genius. I feel like I reached the 4 lb. goal for the month almost instantly...because voila! I weigh 4 lbs. less in the evening, and a little over 6 lbs. when I weigh myself in the morning.

You think I would be happy right? And really I'm thrilled!...and yet the fear of the scale has not gone away, I still have to take a deep breath every time before I step on it. I mean, what if it says I gained the weight back? and why did pounds 4-6 come off instantly but not pounds 7-10?

The whole thing makes me a little manic. Sometimes I feel better about myself for this new healthy lifestyle and sometimes I wonder why I'm doing it at all. I hate that I think about health, weight and calories so often. When do I know if I've gone overboard? I've been told people with eating disorders usually start with small changes too...do they realize when they cross the line between dieting and disorder?

I am proud that I exercise at least six days a week now, but on that ONE day I seem to miss ONCE a week I do feel guilty. I feel guilt in my gut, even though I know I shouldn't, and as I wonder why I don't instantly drop weight-knowing that I'm not even supposed too and that's not the healthy way to lose weight- I think is it because I skipped exercising today?

Maybe Dr. Derek's plan was only drawn up for the first initial 4-6lbs.

Little by little I've been trying to substitute out the unhealthy food in my apartment for what I am told are the more healthy options (i.e. sprout bread instead of regular, laughing cow cheese instead of Kraft, Greek yogurt instead of regular, Cereals with less sugar and organic soups with less sodium...) and it looks like by next week this will have taken full effect. Maybe then pounds 7-10 will come off? But beyond that I am not sure what the next step could be....increase my exercise? Lower my calorie intake even more? This is all starting to sound like a lot of work...

So here's what I've decided to tell myself, stop thinking about it so much and just do it! The time spent on losing weight will increase dramatically.

Sincerely,

Angela